F1®: The Movie: Can You See The Problem?

First issue: the name – F1®: The Movie. Trademark included. Beyond it not rolling off the tongue very well, the name screams corporate boardroom meeting. A bunch of gruff voices talking about how much free advertising they’ll get from the title - you can hear it if you listen hard enough. Ew. Acronym straight into colon also isn’t doing it any favours, though that’s being picky. It’s also a title that, due to the trademark, makes it seem like its goal is to encapsulate the entire sport in one fell swoop. Think earlier this year to ‘A Minecraft Movie’, implying one of many different ones that could be made. Not here. This is F1®, and you can tune in once you’re finished watching on ESPN this Sunday. Double ew. None of this would matter if it weren’t for the second, more pressing issue: the movie unfortunately lives up to its title.

Joseph Kosinski’s latest and follow up to the blisteringly successful Top Gun: Maverickis nothing more than an advert. Its characters bland stereotypes, its dialogue tremendously stale, and with so little romance for the sport in its racing scenes, you begin to wonder where the man who somehow injected life into 35-year-old military propaganda has gone. And it’ll take just 15 minutes of watching F1® to find him, crushed under the weight and scale of the brand. 200MPH rockets with wheels. Brad Pitt. Sleek, white interiors. Abu Dhabi. Las Vegas. Glitz, glam. Chris Hemsworth, for some reason. It’s all there, if the ‘it’ you’re searching for is size - the screaming crowds that seemingly Sonny Hayes doesn’t care about.

Sonny Hayes (Brad Pitt) is an old-time F1 racer who lost his shot after a terrible accident ruined him. After a few decades of drinking, gambling, multiple divorces and overall slobbishness he’s going wherever the money is, and racing any way he’s able, no matter the car. After winning Daytona, his old friend and rival Ruben Cervantes (Javier Bardem) reaches out, desperate for a driver to save his failing F1 team, APEXGP, which, if they don’t get a first-place finish, could be taken from him. Feeling nostalgic, and with nothing else to do, Sonny agrees and immediately bashes heads with rookie sensation Joshua Pierce (Damson Idris). So ensues APEXGP’s attempt to get a single podium finish and save the company.

Very traditional sports melodrama, as you’d imagine, but unfortunately for F1® the movie doesn’t have the charisma to traffic in that alone. Brad Pitt’s entire schtick of smouldering into the sun with a squint is becoming heavily played out, and there’s only so many more Cliff Bootheries an audience can take, especially given that his performance in Moneyball was so lived in, so charming by comparison. His scene partner Damson Idris is similarly flat, though it’s hard to blame him given that the brunt of what his character is given to do is, checks notes, doing social media really hard? The two are designed to be prickly to one another: that doesn’t mean that they should be acting as if they’d rather be anywhere else. It’s a let down for the duo leads to stink up the place, and sucks for Kerry Condon and Javier Bardem, who bring a much needed weight and genuine excitement to the screen, even given their stock standard archetypes.

Characters shmaractors though, what about the racing? As a technician, there’s not really anyone else doing it like Kosinski. Strapping 16 cameras to F2 cars and actually having them zoom around is insanity by anyone but Tom Cruise’s standards, and it shows in the end product. The action is so kinetic, so ferocious that at times you will forgive the sloppy characters and bordering on Mercedes commercial pop-music montages. In a vacuum it’s truly what the movies are made for. Within the narrative though, there’s no romance for racing within the racing, none of that kind of ethereal thing that the best sports movies have within them, where the act of doing the sport comes to embody an entire person. The attempt at the end with the whole ‘flying’ sequence feels like a tacked on try at that sort of moment, without any of the build-up or genuine passion for the cars, the track, the dirt, the feel. It’s the main reason why the advert comparisons feel so apt: the racing is just racing for the sake of racing, and while it looks great, and sounds spectacular, a big reason why it is so tectonic is because of the brand, and the scope - because of that damned trademark.

And it’s clearly worked. People are responding well, especially those not familiar with F1 to begin with, who will likely watch a few races because of this, meaning the movie has done its job. Apple have got another hit on their hands to add to their catalogue of prestige pictures. To what end though? To sell a few more tickets at Monaco? To plaster Brad Pitt’s face onto billboards again? It’s all just so lifeless, so repetitive of Kosinski’s work in Top Gun: Maverick to be discussed with any actual merit, and at a bloated 2 and a half hours it’s not exactly the most rewatchable thing. No, what F1®: The Movie is is a disposable flyer that’s at least thankfully playing in theatres. So go watch it and throw it away, as it’s designed to, and if you ever thirst for more make sure Sky Sports is ready.